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The Epiphany

When you’re young, you feel the passion in real time , not after the fact. You can actually hear the universe speaking your name and the wind blowing is a stimulating coolant. When the driver opened the door in his three piece tuxedo , I felt like royalty, then immediately I thought to myself , should not  I have this same vibe in my mind when my boyfriend opens the car door for me when we go out on the town?

All alone I sat , surrounded by my thoughts and how my mind was slowly developing scenarios, scenes and orchestrations of new transportation without verbal abuse from a lover.

I wished and prayed and fought the growing reel to reel movie like pictures and thoughts in my head of absolute freedom and independence and my God ! The price I would need to pay to secure this feeling and never let it go, so that I can stop the pain , stop the suffering, stop the guilt  and the ugly black mass that I could not touch and remove from my heart and soul.

My mind became an automatic engineered human factory of how I could please please keep this feeling of travel from destination

A my home, my sanctuary my safe place, and get to destination B . The monies I would need to come up with to have my very own personal chauffeur/ driver.

to be continued…  A View from the Back seat

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The Driver Let Me in Alone

The Hill at night is always a different temperature from the city. I was waiting outside for my boyfriend . My sister’s boyfriend arranged for a Limousine to come and pick everyone up for the evening for a night cruise , pick up friends toast to the  evening , and what may come as we had absolutely no plans but to ride together and take on the night. Waiting outside enjoying of course the smell of night, as I always do. My boyfriend, to arrive soon , park car, join us for the cruise. The stretch rolled up slow, nice and long ,  loud hum to the engine , the stretch turned 180 to parallel front of home, for passengers to walk in from sidewalk,  exterior limo lights on side car panel.  For me,  it was slow motion and graceful at the same time. The driver stepped out in his black tuxedo , politely stood by the door of his long white stretch. I then gracefully , as if though I was still in the picture I witnessed coming toward me earlier. I said, “Hi, hows it going?” He replied ” Fine thank you,” I said, ” So you know everyone is still in the house getting ready , my sisters should be out soon. My boyfriend will be coming as well. My sister’s boyfriend is the one who ordered the Limo; he’s not here yet but he should be soon.  I was just wondering if it would be possible for me to peek inside and look inside the car just to see what this car looks like? I know that it’s rude to ask but I would make sure to get out before the person who paid, and everyone coming tonight.” See I thought he would just say here I will open the door to let you look in. However he did not. He opened the door and said , “Why don’t you go and sit down and make yourself comfortable, and I will keep watch for you and let you know when they come out.” I thought to myself , wow , I like that idea.. I went with that drivers idea. The door closed . . AC on. Little television off, ice in side bin,  mood lights for my fingers to play with. Partition up. Music console looking so fine for me to put tunes on. The moon roof button really got me.  The fact that MOON ROOF was written to define such a button at your control! A phone handset with a button to speak with driver . I don’t know. Something happened to me. Little did I know what it was , but I knew that it was a feeling that would manifest long and deep and reach a hidden pain. Past life or what felt like perhaps a neuron crave and or the embryonic stages of addiction..

To be continued… A View from the Backseat